As I come up to the one-year anniversary of working with my coach Angie Wisdom I am feeling emotional and I can’t tell you how good that feels, to actually feel feelings. I decided to share my path to healing in a few-part series because it is a long story, and I am compelled to share it.
It was the early days of the pandemic when the world was in panic mode, and I fell into a deep depression. I don’t know how I scraped myself out of bed every day (some days I didn’t), to put on a fake smile and hop on the handful of zooms that still lingered on my calendar. I’m sure I wasn’t the only person feeling helpless or like they lost their identity overnight. My company was hanging on by a thread. We had a handful of client projects for those companies that were still hiring. We all took a pay cut and I went through my life savings to keep our small team paid through the year while trying to self-soothe by over-consuming alcohol and really unraveling.
I came to know of Angie through someone I’ve never met but follow on Instagram who is a mid-century modern enthusiast such as myself, Keven Stirdivant. One thing that stood out in the middle of the chaos happening around the world, was Keven’s overall optimism and positivity on social media. It was inspiring. He often tagged Angie highlighting their weekly sessions. At the end of May 2020, I felt compelled to reach out to her and see how she might be able to help me.
I knew I wasn’t looking for a therapist. I needed a coach, but not just someone in my corner pumping me up. I needed someone who could partner with me on a personal (life) and professional (business) level. That’s Angie.
In our first few sessions, I was coming in hot. I had a lot on my agenda that I wanted to cover with her as my coach, but she would probably tell you, most of it was surface level. I really didn’t want to go to deeper levels of being. I wasn’t ready to heal. I remember being very upfront and matter-of-fact about my past and my present. I think I literally said: “My marriage is a mess right now, but that’s not my priority. My priority is my business, so let’s start with that and we can “deal with” my marriage later.” When I think back to that statement, I realize just how disconnected I was from my heart.
Yet, at the same time, I know I also said: “I want a whole life. I don’t just want success financially and in business. I want a full, whole, happy life across all areas: marriage, friendships, family, motherhood.” To me, that seems near impossible. How could I be happy when I had every THING I ever desired in life, but still wasn’t “happy”. That’s when the work really began.