My Path to Healing: Part IV
After I read “The Power of Now”, a few things connected for me. First, I was able to confidently lean into my spirituality. Prior to reading this, I felt like I shut out the spiritual part of my life. It wasn’t a priority for me.
When I started working with Angie, I remember telling her I believe in the “universe” and “energy”, but that was my half-assed excuse for not prioritizing my spirituality. Around the same time I shared that with her, I had a dream where I was showing Keven (the person who inspired me to work with Angie) and his family my house. All of my “things”. I was trying so hard to impress him in this dream. He calmly said: “All of this stuff is great, but how’s your relationship with God?”. Then I woke up from that dream. That stayed with me for several months.
After my Gram passed, I lost faith. I had a dark view of death and felt disconnected from source. My Gram was a devout Catholic and I grew up singing in the choir, going to mass several times a week with her and continued to go to church as a young adult. When my career started taking off, that was my priority. My faith was not.
So in January, I read the book and felt open. I felt called back to source. I read the book again and began adding prayer to my morning practice. I was very specific about who I prayed for and I started seeing the impact this practice had in my life. In February, I met Gerard Adams and joined the Conscious Leaders Mastermind. During our initial conversation, Gerard shared his story with me and there were many similarities. Probably the most powerful was his connection with his grandmother and her energy.
During our second CLM meeting, Pharoah Kyle read my energy and told me I was on my path. My innermost thoughts and desires were showing up in my life so I really had to be mindful of my thoughts, what I was calling in, and what I was verbalizing to the world. During our 2nd call, just 1:1, I broke down. I cried so hard. I felt a deep longing for my Grandma. I felt alone on this leadership journey. I felt scared of what was yet to come. I wasn’t present. I was in fear. I was disconnected from source, disconnected from myself, and my energy was depleted.
He told me she is here with me, but she won’t show up again until I can create space for myself. Space to heal. Space to grow. Space to be. Until then, I was giving everything away across all aspects of my life. I was resentful and quite literally felt like I had nothing left to give. After that session, I felt called to the ocean. Growing up at the beach, and not being able to get there for a year hit me hard.
I told Angie I really wanted to get out to the beach but I was “too busy”. Again, sticking with the story my ego created in my head so I would continue to suffer. Angie told me I’m not that busy and just to get in my car and drive. So I did.
I drove out to Montauk in March. It was freezing cold but the expansive horizon allowing me to feel connected to myself again. I stayed a few days, then went home for a few weeks, then went back out to Montauk. By that time it was early April, right before I decided to attend the CLM Retreat in Tulum.
