Quantum F*cking Growth
Today I wrapped up a ten-month mastermind called 1NFINITY. I joined this mastermind late last year, without fully understanding what it would entail but I knew it would be a deep exploration of my true essence and it would require courage and trust. When I started this journey, I claimed that this year would be my QFG (quantum f*cking growth year). I was committed to going deep and willing to do whatever I had to do, to uncover more of who I am and why I am the way I am.
The first thing we did in this mastermind, was commit to a creative project (our CCP, committed creative project) that we planned to share with the group and “be on the hook” for during this journey together. My CCP is my book. My book is about my journey over the last two years. From my burnout, to my breakthrough, to this very moment I’m living in. Writing a book whilst on a deep healing journey was a wild experience. Initially, I had 100 page manuscript that I started writing back in 2020, PC (pre-conscious) for me. Once I put myself on the hook to write and publish a book this year, I proceeded to do so, in a very “me” way. I enrolled in help and invested in a partner who could work to bring my story to life. I sat with him for a few hours a week for seven months and there she was, my book was complete in August. As I began the editing process of my book, I was struck by how much my mindset has evolved in the last year. How much the language I used before to describe my life, my circumstances, and situations had dramatically changed. I wrapped up my first round edit on a flight from LA to NYC. I felt like I butchered my story, but it only felt right. The details I once described felt small and insignificant now, the more healing I experienced this year.
From NY I went to a plant medicine retreat and had yet another round of edits waiting for me on my flight back to California. I butchered again. My language softened. The details I chose to share, evolved a bit. The story didn’t change, but my perception of my experience evolved. Seeing this growth in black and white on paper, brought me to tears a few times. Sometimes when you’re so “in the work” it’s hard to zoom out and see how far you’ve come. It’s hard to even feel like “you’ve changed”.
Just this fall, I decided to get back “on the road” again traveling for work and that experience felt so different than before. For starters, my trips used to be an escape from a relationship and home life that was challenging. Recently, I found myself ready to get home to my family. In addition, the most recent trips, beautifully blended healing, deep conversations, meeting new people, being welcomed into new industries and communities, and leaning into my intuition. All of this said, I was met with words of encouragement from people who’ve known me for a long time…who shared that “my energy has changed in a good way”, which I graciously accept because I know my energy hasn’t always been light for a long time.
While I was intensely focused on my own QFG, my family has been experiencing their own QFG. My son, who turns nine on Sunday, is getting straight A’s, is playing Basketball and Swimming. He’s thriving and so happy. After the year he had last year and experiencing Big T trauma at the young age of 7–8, I can’t tell you how good it feels to see him coming into his own. I’m grateful to the community of support we have for him, but I’m also proud of myself and my partner for following our path and inner work in support of our family healing.
Another amazing QFG I’ve witnessed is my own partners action and devotion to his healing. When I stopped forcing my views or my agenda on him and just “showed up” in my new energy and essence… he was inspired. That inspiration led him on his own inner work and healing journey and that has truly been such a blessing. There were times this year where I didn’t know if we would make it… and it’s still early days for both of us, but I do have hope. I have hope that if we can find our way as individuals, we will be stronger as a family unit.
All of this going on, and I am still growing and learning about myself as a leader. This year has been another year of character building for me. Hard lessons learned along the way. Friends lost, and new friends gained. Clients lost, and new ones gained. It’s amazing what we’re capable of when we act with intention, lead with heart, and lean on faith. Despite it all, I’m still here.
